What coffee are you?


March 7, 2013 by Beans Ahoy

Coffee Question Mark
Standing in line for a fix of putrid caffeine the other day I began to think about peoples coffee orders. I then started noticing how they were dressed and how they spoke, and wondered, does our personality determine what we drink? Not being a psychologist myself I thought writing an analytical argument about the ins-and-outs of coffee psychology would probably be boring. So I opted for a lighter version.

The question is: What type of coffee drinker are you?

Latte – The Joanna Lumley of coffee’s. Not too offensive. Just right. You probably appreciate the “thoughtful” cookie cutter comments of the Guardian newspaper, and like the reassuring itch of a fair trade wool sweater.

Espresso – The Steve Jobs of coffee’s. You like function and simplicity. Decadence has never been important, and you love a good set of thin rim spectacles.

Double Espresso – The Gordon Gekko of coffee’s. No bull. All balls. And enough caffeine to get you through a hard night of trading. Don’t forget to wear your best power suit.

Cappuccino – The Joe Blogs of coffee’s. You really just can’t be bothered to order anything else first thing in the morning.

Americano – The Clint Eastwood of coffee’s. You’re a simple type. You like your coffee from a pot and hot. You think Folgers is a type of coffee bean and the only one worth drinkin’.

Mocha – The Cruella de Vil of coffee’s. You like the dark richness poured into a tall glass. The decadent shades of brown with a coffee kick. Unlike Cruella de Vil you probably don’t have a penchant for skinning Dalmatians.

Coffee Frappuccino – The Van Wilder of coffee’s. You probably think that flip flops and shorts are suitable business attire and like to spend your time at the beach surfing. The only reason you don’t opt for the Caramel version below is that you got to keep your gym body in shape. You almost certainly drive a convertible Jeep.

Coffee Caramel Frappuccino – The Chris Rock of coffee’s. Over the top. Outrageous. With enough madness to keep you on an eye swiveling sugar rush for 6 straight hours. Make sure you get extra whip cream.

…and no, don’t write to me saying that you are nothing like one of these people yet you drink the same coffee. Lighten up and go…drink a coffee.


2 thoughts on “What coffee are you?

  1. Lena says:

    Thanks for the post. In Europe, any true coffee lover will never be caught dead ordering anything other than the 4 firsts types you wrote about. Also, depending on the country, there are some delightful variations, such “cortado” or “macchiato” my favorite, or plain café con leche (more milk than a macchiato but not as much as latte). What type of person am I? 🙂

    • Beans Ahoy says:

      Haha. Yes, the coffee culture is different, but I have to say that a coffee frappuccino on a really really hot day is still pretty good! I don’t drink it for the coffee though, more the cream on top 😉

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